Confronting Adversity

If it’s true that a healthy dose of adversity in our lives can build character and lead to greatness, at what point does this adversity become too much to bear? What if we feel that it overwhelms our soul and breaks us down, as opposed to building us up as we were promised? Is it better to continue coping with our current circumstances, or do we choose to stray into the unknown despite not knowing if it will lead us to something better?

During the making of “Barricades,” I was frustrated. By what exactly? I wasn’t sure. I just knew something had to change. And this was my attempt to convince myself to take action. To at least try to push past that something that was holding me back from who I wanted to be. But that scared me. To venture beyond the safety of the known means treading into the risk of the unknown.

This program was my attempt to convince myself to stray into that unknown.

Creative Process

Music

We used two separate versions of the song “Barricades” from Attack on Titan. I wanted the music to guide our transition from passive to active participants in the story. Therefore, we used the more orchestral “Barricades <MOVIEver.>” from Attack on Titan: Roar of the Awakening (Movie 3) for the beginning of the program, and the more active, battle-sounding version from Season 2 for the end of the program.

Choreography

Longing for freedom

Wouldn't it be nice to take a walk on some pure white sand
Gaze at the horizon
Without living in fear?

The program starts out with Diane, Sabina, and Flora standing separately, each in their own worlds, dancing within their individual boundaries. While their movements are flowing and beautiful, there is an atmosphere of discontent, sadness, and longing. The walls eventually close in on Sabina, suffocating her.

Sabina successfully pushes past these walls, but she is soon met with uncertainty. She decides not to tread forward. As the music carries on, the three skaters continue to muse, swirling around each other, dreaming of a world that could be.

For this section of the program, I wanted to convey the feeling of longing and disillusionment. While a character is briefly suffocated, she continues to stay within the safety of her current situation along with her peers.

But what if we regret it?

Wouldn't it be sweet to watch the sun curve down and meet the waves?
And taste the ocean spray
And realize we'd been living as slaves

These lyrics strike me deeply because of the shift in tone from dreaming of a brighter future to facing a stark realization. They echo the experiences of the main protagonist in Attack on Titan, Eren Jaeger. Eren spends most of seasons 1 through 3 searching for a way to eliminate the titans that forced “all of humanity” to hide behind walls for protection, only to learn that there actually exist humans outside of the walls and that they want Eren's people to stay trapped. With his hope for freedom shattered, Eren breaks down, the harsh truth too much to bear.

The scene in which Eren goes through this mental breakdown, helplessly chained up inside a cave, is the inspiration for the very first piece of choreography that I imagined for Barricades.

In the choreography, the walls close in again, this time faster and more harshly than before. Flora becomes bound by the chains she feared. But unlike Sabina, instead of succumbing to the circumstances surrounding her, Flora angrily breaks off the chains and vows to push forward.

Is pushing past the walls that surround us really worth it then, even if it means that our sense of reality could be shattered? This time we wager, yes.

Overcoming barricades

We've got to learn to get back, get back
But is it worth the price of our soul?
You know you had to kill her, kill her!
Oh, my dirty hands, it never fades

And if we get out, get out
I'll think about the price of our soul
We've got to learn to live free, live free
We'll live a life without barricades

The music quickly picks up, and Diane, Sabina, and Flora skate into a huddle, encouraging each other to continue moving forward despite the adversities that lie ahead. At this moment, they take their lives into their own control and vow to fight for the future they desire. The choreography quickens in pace, and the three skaters fly into a double flip jump, a synchronized spiral, and other tricks. They end the program in a Survey Corps salute with their fists on their hearts.

Photographs from our performance by Jonathan Richmond

While the walls in Attack on Titan are physical ones confining the people of Paradis Island, walls can also be mental and emotional barriers that make us feel trapped in our own circumstances. To be strong is to allow ourselves to be vulnerable and to make new choices even if the results are unpredictable.

Costume

The three of us wore different outfits with black and army green to represent the militaristic nature of Attack on Titan. We particularly referenced the cloak that the Survey Corps wear, as the Survey Corps values the search for liberty and truth, despite the risks that come with it.

Reflection

In the years since choreographing “Barricades,” I have attempted to define my metaphorical wall multiple times. However, it seems that this wall continues to shift and redefine itself whenever I confront it, perhaps because each time I am viewing it through a more mature lens. As we grow and evolve, our walls adapt alongside us. I guess this is what makes life so interesting, yet frustrating at the same time.

I hope the past me would be proud of how far I’ve come.